Doesn’t it amaze you that two people doing the same job can affect vastly different results for an organization?
Even though job responsibilities are the same, they can pull an organization together, or they can dismantle it one interaction at a time.
I was a longtime consultant to the marketing arm of a real estate development company. When we first began working together, their portfolio of properties was confined to the East coast. A couple years later, the owners expanded their market share throughout the country—at warped speed.
The company grew so quickly that executive management changed regularly to accommodate expansion. During the twelve years I consulted, I saw five Senior Vice Presidents (SVPs) of Sales & Marketing come and go. In fact, at one point I had more longevity with the company than any of the marketing leadership.
Given my history, it was not uncommon for me to attend quarterly departmental marketing meetings, run by the SVP.
The first SVP I met was a bright, charismatic Harvard grad who commanded respect the minute he entered a room. He didn’t say a word other than hello, yet without direction, everyone stopped talking, headed to their seats and looked toward the podium. While this gentleman spoke, no one moved, talked to colleagues or dozed. The room had an air of importance but not heaviness. Once the meeting was over—handshakes and hugs!
When this SVP moved on, his replacement was a gentleman who was a smart, capable real estate executive. He always look incredibly put together, too. His suits were tailor-made and his hair was always perfectly in place. But when he entered a room, all pre-meeting buzz continued at fever pitch. If the attendees had popcorn, I think they’d have thrown it. Only a few near the front of the room noticed when he tapped the microphone to signal the start of the meeting. Eventually, the meeting began, although side conversations and restless shifting in seats never stopped. Once the meeting ended, everyone left the room—fast!
So why could one executive say nothing to summon attention and the other say plenty yet remain unheard? Neither ruled by intimidation. Neither was punitive. Both were knowledgeable and held the same position of authority.
The man who effortlessly generated respect was calm and unflappable. He knew he knew a lot, but he always considered that someone in the crowd might know something he didn’t. He genuinely listened to his teams. He didn’t always agree, but he did always thank them for their contributions. He returned the attention and interest his teams gave him. Mutual respect was instantaneous.
The other executive, by contrast, had a singular agenda: HIS. He knew his markets, could cite compelling statistics and could articulate a plan for business development. He also usually ignored hands being raised. If he did field a question, his eyes had a glaze that let everyone know his mind was elsewhere. He looked great in his suit, but his delivery was messy. His disorganization and absence of regard infected his audience. They returned his investment in kind. Each meeting he lead was uncomfortable and unproductive.
Authority is important. It can build trust. It can keep order. It can inspire productivity.
However, single-minded authority is risky. It does not automatically garner respect.
Knowing a lot does not imply knowing it all. Being ill-prepared can cause chaos. Genuine interest in others is seductive.
Giving begets more of the same, whatever it is you’re giving. To increase respect, LISTEN INTENTLY with GENUINE INTEREST. Believe you can learn something new. Say thank you, and mean it.
What do you put out there when you engage in a conversation? Whether you are leading a company meeting, or engaging with a prospective client or parenting your kids, are you genuinely invested in both sides of the exchange?